im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
