census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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