Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just high enough for therapy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
