Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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