i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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