Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
