dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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