just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
