i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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