exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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