when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
