Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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