oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
