Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
