Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
