he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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