Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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