I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
