I just saw a hot homeless man
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
