i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
