No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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