Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
