I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
