I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
