Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
