the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
