Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
