It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
