guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just had sex on a roof
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
