i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
