theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
