the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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