You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
