You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
