I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
