people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sext me about skeletons
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
