found the other keg... it's in the tree
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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