Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
