i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
