I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
