how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
