she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
