i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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