so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
