Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sorry my hands just texted you
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
