I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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