Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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