i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
