your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
