The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
