last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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