also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
